I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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