All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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