so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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