Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
