I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it hurts more in the daytime
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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