got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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