I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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