Can i not drive my cunt home
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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