i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
