the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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