I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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