omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
