but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you win again, gameday.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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