Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
