RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
