i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
