btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
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thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
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Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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