my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
