last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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