I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
