I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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