i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
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Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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