whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
