And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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