My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
