Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
me + whiskey = a bad person
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
