this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
cat food counts as protein by the way
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
