I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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