Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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