She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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