i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize
