she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
