I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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