Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
