I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
