Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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