I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
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i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
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I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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