Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
