First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
