My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
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