I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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