I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
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