The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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