If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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