member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize