Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
