We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
