okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
