pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
