carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
