$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When did angry sex become our thing?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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