Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
