Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You may now shotgun with the bride
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
