my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
