I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
