every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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