It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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