final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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