Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
