I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
