Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
