Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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